Breaking up with a narcissist can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally draining experience. Unfortunately, many people make common mistakes during this process, which can prolong their pain and even give the narcissist an upper hand.
Firstly, one common mistake is failing to establish strong boundaries. Narcissists thrive on control and manipulation, so it’s crucial to clearly communicate and uphold personal limits. Remember that, if you don’t establish strong and healthy boundaries, the narcissist will keep showing up in your life or will keep you in their clutches, and moving forward will be nearly impossible.
Obviously, establishing healthy boundaries WHILE being in a relationship with a narcissist is INCREDIBLY tough. It’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation. but we have to start somewhere and remember why it is important!
Secondly, people often make the mistake of expecting empathy or understanding from the narcissist. Narcissists lack the ability to genuinely empathize, so it’s important not to expect emotional support or closure from them. Also, when we look for empathy, understanding or support, we are giving the narcissist BOTH more power AND more attention. In other words, we are encouraging them to NOT let us leave. Giving power to a narcissist seldom ends well.
Thirdly, many individuals fail to gather evidence of the narcissist’s abusive behavior, which may be necessary for legal purposes or to validate their own experiences. With normal, healthy people, we can discuss perceptions of reality, share experiences, assuming they act in good faith. Narcissists do NOT act in good faith, for them lying and gaslighting is a sport, and if it prevents us from getting closure, they enjoy it more.
Even worth, narcissists are incentivised to NOT provide closure, as that means we can still act as their supply. Asking someone to act fair when they have no incentive (or capability) to act fair is unlikely to be a success. So don’t be surprised if it fails.
Fourthly, people often make the mistake of engaging in endless arguments or attempts to reason with the narcissist. This only provides the narcissist with more opportunities to exert their dominance and manipulate the situation. Remember that narcissists play God and lie. Arguing with them is like wrestling with a pig: we end up covered in mud, and the pig enjoys it.
Lastly, individuals who do not seek emotional support or therapy may struggle to heal and move forward from the toxic relationship. Seeking professional help can provide invaluable guidance and aid in the healing process. If we want to make sense of what happened, we can either try to ground ourselves by delegating power to a lying, deceitful abuser. Or we can turn to a skilled professional who is compensated to support us and help us move forward. One of these two strategies is more likely to succeed. Guess which one.
By avoiding these common mistakes, individuals can empower themselves and navigate the challenging path of breaking up with a narcissist more effectively.