Perhaps you are one of those who feel you have more than your fair share of difficult people to deal with?
If so, I’d like to offer five tips, gleaned from my experience in life coaching, that may help make your experiences a little easier.
TIP 1: Consider a Difficult Person to be your Teacher, not your Enemy
Life coaches work to help their clients realise that the answers they seek are to be found, not externally, but within. When a threat becomes apparent, rather than avoid it, or hide from it, it can help to reflect on what it can teach us.
Thinking of difficult people in these terms can serve to eliminate, or lessen, any hatred, dislike, or annoyance that we may feel and encourage more constructive emotions.
My second tip follows on from this theme.
TIP 2: Replace ’Difficult’ with ’Challenging’
In life coaching, it’s common knowledge that, when a coach starts to gain the impression that a client is being ’difficult’, this is often an indication that it’s time to adapt the coaching approach.
You see, labelling someone as ’difficult’ equates to a form of judgement that often says more about the labeller than the one being labelled.
That may not be what you want to hear, but think of it this way:
When you condition yourself to think of someone you deal with as ’challenging’, rather than ’difficult’, you place the onus on yourself to rise to that challenge, instead of continuing to blame your frustration on that person.
A simple shift in your mental attitude can work wonders.
Consider these two very different lines of thought, for example:
1. ”Dealing with this difficult client is terribly frustrating. I find their attitude and demeanour thoroughly irritating.”
2. ”Dealing with this challenging client requires some skill. What I learn from this will surely help me grow and develop.”
By adopting the first attitude, you forego your power to change the situation and resign yourself to feeling bad.
However, by adopting the second mentality, you take ownership of the problem. And, in doing so, you allow yourself to focus on the opportunity that lies behind the facade represented by the problem.
That brings me to tip number three:
TIP 3: Don’t React … Act!
Imagine being on the receiving end of spoken comments, an email, or a text message, that strikes you as insensitive, provocative, or perhaps even threatening.
You feel an immediate spike in emotional stress, and this may cause you to react angrily.
Venting your anger may afford you some temporary emotional relief. But reacting on the spur of the moment can have the same effect as dowsing a glowing ember with petrol!
Spontaneous reactions are essentially unthinking responses, which can have unwanted and even serious repercussions.
The solution is to recognise spikes in emotional stress for what they are and to have a strategy for suppressing the tendency to react and replacing it with action based on deliberate, considered thought.
’Counting to twenty’, taking ’time out’ or ’sleeping’ on the issue will allow you the time and space to identify why your emotional hackles were raised, the responsibility you bear for that, and the alternative approaches available to you.
In other words, you replace unthinking reaction with responsible, considered action.
TIP 4: Cultivate Tolerance, Calmness and Compassion
Tip number four takes a leaf out of the book of olden day prophets like Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha, and more modern icons like Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Mandela.
All of these had a profoundly positive impact on the people – no matter how seemingly difficult – they had to deal with.
It may at first seem counterintuitive and challenging, but the next time you encounter a ’difficult’ person, try reciprocating with kindness and compassion!
Once you get to appreciate that you can control the initial disturbance you feel inside, you’ll find it easier to stay calm and collected and, in the state of grace that ensues, to reach out.
In all likelihood, the reaction you’ll get will come as a welcome surprise. And, even if it doesn’t, you’ll feel much better within yourself.
OK. Here’s my final tip…
TIP 5: Relish the Opportunity for Growth
In life coaching, we teach that problems or difficulties that we experience throughout life are there for an important purpose – to provide us with opportunities for personal growth and development.
Ongoing personal growth is the source of a rewarding and meaningful life. Tony Robbins even goes as far as to say that if you are not growing, you are dying.
Growth comes from tackling and dealing with challenges. And if you heed my second tip, you’ll begin redefining ‘difficult’ people as ‘challenging’ and therefore a potential source of personal growth.
So, the next time a person who seems really ‘difficult’ steps into your life, resolve to take a whole new approach …
Smile, say a silent thank you, and relish the wonderful opportunity you have been afforded to enjoy further growth!
