Emotional Intelligence: The Missing Link Between Spiritual Growth and Science
1. Why Emotional Intelligence is more than just a ‘Soft Skill’
Most people hear “Emotional Intelligence (EI), sometimes called Emotional Quotient (EQ)… and think of business seminars, HR training, or why Steve from accounting keeps getting promoted even though he can’t format an spreadsheet to save his life. Or the opposite: How come Steve got the Team Leader job, he hasn’t got an empathetic bone in his body!
EI isn’t just about manoeuvring through office politics—it’s about navigating the far messier battlefield of your own emotions.
Ancient spiritual traditions emphasise mastering emotions as a path to enlightenment.
Modern neuroscience confirms that regulating emotions leads to greater resilience, mental clarity, and better decision-making. Emotional intelligence isn’t about suppressing emotions (or pretending everything’s fine while gripping your coffee cup so hard it cracks.)
No, it’s about understanding them, integrating them, and using them to guide you.
2. How emotional intelligence fuels spiritual growth
a) Emotions as a spiritual compass
Ever had a gut feeling you ignored, only to regret it later? Like when you knew the all-you-can-eat buffet was a terrible idea but did it anyway? Or experienced an unshakable knowing that turned out to be right?
Emotions aren’t just random biochemical reactions—they’re messages from your higher self.
Joy, fulfilment, and peace? Clues that you’re aligned with your purpose.
Anxiety, resistance, or frustration? Signs you may be out of sync with what truly matters to you.
EI allows us to decode these signals rather than reacting blindly to them.
b) Ego vs. Awareness: The Emotional Battleground
Many spiritual traditions teach that suffering comes from attachment to emotions and thoughts—so, basically, your ego is like that one friend who refuses to let go of a grudge from 2003.
But how do you detach without becoming an emotionless robot?
The ego reacts emotionally to protect its identity (‘I’m right, they’re wrong!’—which, coincidentally, is also the secret ingredient in 99% of Facebook arguments).
But when you’re aware of your ego you can observe your emotions without getting caught in them (“Interesting… why does this trigger me?”). After all, you’re not your emotions, and the very fact that you talk about MY emotions, means that you’re much more than just your emotions.
Example:
I once found myself fuming over a conversation where someone dismissed my work in NLP. My ego wanted to defend, argue, and prove them damn wrong. But my awareness caught the reaction and asked, Why does this bother me so much?
I realised the emotion wasn’t about them—it was an old fear of being put down and belittled. With this realisation, instead of reacting, I could process the feeling, reframe my response, and let it go. That’s the magic of EI in action.
3. Compassion and connection: The heart of spiritual growth
Every major spiritual path preaches love, empathy, and forgiveness. These aren’t just principles—they’re emotional skills.
- Empathy helps us step into someone else’s experience without judgment.
- Self-compassion prevents us from spiralling into guilt or self-criticism.
- Forgiveness frees us from emotional baggage, not just the other person.
Without emotional intelligence, these become concepts rather than practices—like that treadmill in the garage—technically it’s good for you, but you use it mostly for drying laundry. It’s easy to say, “Let go of resentment,” but actually feeling that release? That’s an emotional skill.
So how do you release an emotion?
So glad you asked! Here are a few options to try out:
a. Cultivate self-awareness: Name it to tame it
You can’t release an emotion you haven’t fully acknowledged. Most people either suppress emotions (“I’m fine”—usually accompanied by folding the arms, walking away or said in a tone of voice that indicates you are anything BUT fine!) or get caught in them (“I’m always so angry”).
Try this:
Notice an emotion arising.
Pause and label it: “I’m feeling resentment because…” (fill in the gap)
For example; “I’m feeling resentment because Jim asked everyone except me if they wanted a coffee.”
Notice where it shows up in your body. Is your jaw tight? Stomach knotted?
Breathe into it instead of resisting it. Often, just recognising an emotion helps it lose its grip.
🔹 Why it works: Naming an emotion activates the prefrontal cortex, the rational part of the brain, which helps process feelings logically instead of reacting impulsively. This reduces activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear centre, preventing emotional overwhelm.
b. Use reframing to shift perspective
Resentment often lingers because we focus on how we’ve been wronged. Shifting perspective can help untangle the emotional hold.
Try these:
- Ask: “What can I learn from this situation?”
- Imagine viewing the situation from a neutral observer’s perspective—how would an outsider see it?
- Consider: “Is this person acting from their own wounds?” (Not to excuse behaviour, but to loosen the emotional charge.)
🔹 Why it works: NLP and cognitive reframing show that changing the meaning of an event changes our emotional response.
c. Engage the body: Somatic Release Techniques
Emotions aren’t just thoughts; they’re stored in the body. To truly feel the release, it helps to move the energy physically.
Try these
- Shake it out: Sounds weird, but animals literally shake off stress—so if you’ve ever wanted an excuse to dance like the inflatable car dealership tube-man, here’s your moment. Stand up and shake your hands, legs, and shoulders for 30 seconds. Or just pretend you are the inflatable tube man!)
- Heart Coherence Breathing: Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and imagine sending breath into your heart space, filling it with compassion.
- You could also try EFT Tapping: Tap gently on acupressure points while repeating, “Even though I feel resentment, I choose to release it.”
🔹 Why it works: Trauma research (Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score) shows that stored emotions need a physical outlet to release.
d. Give resentment a ritual release
Sometimes, emotions need a symbolic way to be let go.
Try these:
- Write down or draw what you resent, then burn, rip, or flush the paper. (Just don’t flush a whole notebook. Plumbing repair bills are expensive, and not a path to enlightenment! And don’t burn it and set off the smoke alarm or end up explaining to the fire brigade why your ex’s name is in the ashes.)
- Imagine placing the emotion in a bubble and watching it float away.
- Visualise cutting an energetic cord between you and the situation/person.
🔹 Why it works: The subconscious responds powerfully to symbols and rituals—this tells your brain, “We’re done holding onto this.”
e. Replace it with a higher emotion
Resentment takes up mental and emotional space. It’s like having your browser with 27 tabs open, 13 of them frozen, and one playing music somewhere. (If only you could find which one!) If you don’t replace it with something else, it sneaks back in.
Try these:
- Gratitude Flip: Ask, “What’s one small and positive thing I gained from this?”
- Compassion Activation: Imagine the other person as a scared child—how does that shift your emotions?
- Future Focus: Ask, “How will letting go of this emotion benefit me?” and visualise that freedom.
🔹 Why it works: Studies on neuroplasticity show that redirecting emotions rewires brain patterns over time.
You don’t ‘force’ release—you invite it
Letting go is a process, not a command. The more you gently allow emotions to move through you, the easier it becomes to genuinely feel release—not just think about it.
4. The three brains and emotional wisdom
You know how your head says one thing, your heart says another, and your gut just screams ‘RUN’ (probably because of that questionable street food an hour ago!) That’s because you literally have three brains—and they all play a role in emotional intelligence and spiritual awareness.
🧠 Head Brain: The Thinker
- Analyses, plans, and rationalises emotions.
- Great at making sense of feelings, but also great at overthinking and suppressing them.
Example:
You feel sad but tell yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way, I have nothing to be sad about.” Your head brain tries to logic its way out—but emotions don’t work that way.
❤️ Heart Brain: The Connector
- Governs love, compassion, and deep emotional wisdom.
- Helps you process emotions rather than intellectualise them.
- Links to the vagus nerve, influencing calmness, intuition, and resilience.
Example:
Someone apologises to you. Your head says, “They don’t deserve my forgiveness.” But your heart feels the sincerity and nudges you toward healing.
🔥 Gut Brain: The Instinct
- Source of intuition, courage, and emotional ‘gut feelings.’
- Helps us know what’s right for us, even when it doesn’t make logical sense.
- Deeply linked to emotional safety and survival.
Example:
You’re offered a job that looks perfect on paper. Your head says, “Great salary, great title.” But your gut clenches. Something feels off, even if you can’t explain it. That’s emotional intelligence in action—tuning into deeper wisdom rather than overriding it with logic.
5. Practical ways to develop emotional intelligence for spiritual and mental well-being
Want to turn emotional intelligence into a spiritual superpower?
Try these:
📝 Journaling: Write down emotional triggers and ask, What’s this really about?
🌬 Breathwork & Heart Coherence: Slows the nervous system, making emotional reactions easier to manage.
🔄 Emotional Reframing (NLP): Shift how you interpret emotional triggers.
🌊 Sensualisation: Engage all senses to embody emotional states that match your goals.
🧘🏽♂️ Meditation: Observe emotions rather than getting swept up in them.
Emotional mastery is spiritual mastery
Mastering emotions isn’t about avoiding them—it’s about understanding, integrating, and learning from them
Emotional intelligence:
✅ Brings clarity to confusion.
✅ Turns pain into wisdom.
✅ Deepens intuition and connection.
Want spiritual growth?
Want more tools to strengthen your emotional intelligence? Grab my free “Get Unstuck Review” and start transforming your inner world today!
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Tags: 3 brains, Interpersonal skills, Managing mood and emotions, Perception, Spirituality, work and career
