Yesterday I was sitting at my desk contemplating a social media post when I got an email thanking me for some of the classes I’ve offered.
The sender shared she is now navigating her relationships confidently without sacrificing what feels right to her.
Her email got me thinking about values, the impact they’ve had on my parenting, and how much I’ve changed on this journey of supporting my daughter.
It’s a challenge for me to reconcile the different versions of myself —the mom I was before my daughter’s addiction, and the mom I became in those struggles.
The Before Mom
When my daughter Helanna was in grade school, she had to read a lot of books and take tests on them.
She inherited my stubbornness but not my love of reading, books, and libraries.
I never tried to force her to love reading. Instead, I focused on how I could support her, and it turned into a wonderful bonding experience.
We read books together all year and I loved every minute of it. She read to me when we were in the car, and I read to her at home.
Before mom embraced parenting with creativity, flexibility, and an open mind. I didn’t push Helanna to conform to the mold of who I thought she should be.
Memories of this mom warm my heart and make me smile.
The Suffering Mom
Sometimes it’s hard to share about this mom.
Memories of this mom are painful and bring up feelings of shame, regret, and grief that it took so many years for me to find CRAFT and coaching.
I feel that way because my actions were driven by fear, stigma, and misunderstanding.
Because of that, I strayed from my values of being flexible, open-minded, and connected.
Instead of following my heart, I followed tough love advice. I thought I had to do it to help her even though it felt wrong to me.
I had a black-and-white view of what her recovery should look like and anything less than strict adherence to it was unacceptable.
My behavior made Helanna feel like she was unacceptable and needed to be fixed.
We both suffered under this parenting style.
The After Mom
I have clarity about what values are and how important they are in my decision-making process. Before mom had values, but they weren’t clearly defined so it was easy to stray from them.
Transitioning from the role of fixer to supporter, I met Helanna where she was on her journey, accepting her for who she was, and working with her instead of resisting her path.
Learning compassionate evidence-based skills made me feel like a better mom than ever before.
With a more effective skill set than all the professionals I went to for help, I became the person that I was looking for to help me.
That’s what I want for every mom struggling to support their son or daughter.
The Peace of Mind group coaching program will help you become the person you’ve been looking for to help you.
If you’d like help creating your version of the After Mom, sign up for the group and check it out.
The membership is month to month and you can cancel at any time.
Tomorrow is the last day to sign up. Join the group today and attend your call tomorrow night!
