If you’re a parent whose child is struggling with alcohol or substance use, you’ve probably been told a hundred different things to do or not do and many probably feel like blame and make you feel worse.
Let them hit rock bottom.
You can’t help unless they want it.
Don’t enable.
I tried all of that and it only made things worse for me and my daughter.
I believed that I had to do things that didn’t feel right to me in order to help her. But what I’ve learned from CRAFT is that love doesn’t mean stepping back.
It means learning how to step forward in a way that helps.
One of the things I love most about CRAFT is that it sees family members as valuable – not as the problem.
Most approaches tell you to detach, back off, or let go. But CRAFT recognizes that your connection with your child is a powerful motivator and that you know your child better than anyone. You’ve seen their patterns. You know what they’re like when they’re using and when they’re not. You know their moods, their triggers, their hopes, and the things they care about deep down even if they’re buried right now.
You might not know how valuable that information is or what to do with it yet but CRAFT shows you how to use it in a way that supports connection, safety, and motivation to change.
Therapy might be once a week.
Treatment might last a month or two.
But you? You’re there for the long haul. And when you’re educated, supported, and empowered, you become the strongest ally your child could ever have.
The Science Behind CRAFT
CRAFT stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training. It’s a compassionate, science-based approach that teaches you how to support your child without losing yourself.
Developed by Dr. Robert Meyers, CRAFT is grounded in behavioral psychology, but it’s not a cold, clinical method. It’s a deeply respectful, human way of helping families heal.
CRAFT is one of the most effective, research-backed approaches available for families. It’s built on decades of clinical trials and real-world results.
- Families using CRAFT are more than twice as likely to help a loved one engage in treatment compared to traditional methods like detachment or confrontation.
In fact, studies show 64–74% of loved ones seek treatment when their families use CRAFT compared to just 13% with traditional interventions. - CRAFT also improves outcomes for you.
Research shows that it significantly reduces anxiety and depression in parents, strengthens relationships, and improves communication whether or not the child enters treatment.
CRAFT blends behavioral psychology, motivational strategies, communication skills, and emotional regulation, all taught in a way that’s practical and doable in your everyday life.
This isn’t a quick fix. It’s a skill set. And like any skill, it gets easier the more you practice.
The 3 Goals of CRAFT
CRAFT isn’t just about getting your child into treatment. It’s about helping your family find a way forward no matter where you’re starting from.
Here’s what CRAFT is designed to help you do:
1. Reduce substance use in your child
This is about harm reduction. That might mean fewer days of use, safer choices, or taking better care of their health. Starting now, let’s practice being open-minded about what change might look like and how it can happen. We can add in health and wellness that eventually results in less substance use.
2. Encourage engagement in treatment
And by “treatment,” I don’t just mean residential rehab. Treatment can be therapy, support groups, a recovery coach, or anything that supports their health and wellness. If your child isn’t open to formal treatment, there are still plenty of ways to support healing.
3. Improve your well-being, regardless of your child’s choices
CRAFT recognizes that your life matters, too. Your peace of mind, your relationships, and your health all deserve attention, even if your child is still struggling.
What Makes CRAFT Different?
CRAFT doesn’t rely on ultimatums or shaming. It’s not about forcing someone into change or punishing them until they hit “rock bottom.”
It’s about understanding the why behind your child’s behavior and learning how to respond in ways that encourage change, instead of pushing them further away.
It’s about building connection, increasing safety, and creating space for motivation to grow.
CRAFT gives you a new lens based curiosity instead of control.
It’s not about waiting for your child to want help. It’s about learning what you can do, day by day, to improve connection and make change more possible.
CRAFT gives you practical tools to:
- Reduce conflict without walking on eggshells
- Create boundaries that protect your peace and connection
- Reinforce healthy behaviors instead of reacting to chaos
- Communicate in ways that lower defenses and build trust
- Regulate your own emotions, so you can respond calmly and intentionally
Most importantly, CRAFT helps you take action that aligns with your values so even when things are hard, you can feel proud of how you’re showing up.
CRAFT gave me the tools I wish I’d had from the beginning.
Tough love destroyed my relationship with my daughter and pushed her deeper into substance use and dangerous situations that caused both of us considerably more trauma. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do but it left both of us more isolated, afraid, and feeling completely broken.
CRAFT was the turning point. It helped me repair my relationship with my daughter and create a stronger connection than ever. It helped me show up in a way I could feel good about even when things were heartbreaking. And it helped me finally find peace of mind and take care of myself.
To me, CRAFT feels like emotional Kintsugi which is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold.
In Kintsugi, the cracks aren’t hidden. They’re filled with gold and honored as part of the story. The piece becomes even more beautiful because of what it’s been through, not in spite of it.
Tough love says, “You broke it. You fix it. Come back when you’re all better.”
CRAFT says, “I’m in this with you. Let’s pick up the pieces together.”
CRAFT doesn’t erase the pain. It gives you a way to hold it gently, and to rebuild with compassion, skill, and love.
The gold is the connection you rebuild.
The strength you gain.
The deep peace that comes from knowing, I’m showing up in a way I can feel proud of, even in the hardest moments.
If you’re ready to learn more, I’d be honored to support you.
You don’t have to wait for your child to change.
You can start helping them and helping yourself right now.
Sign up for a Road to Recovery Call with me to take the next step:
https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery
