Should contentment be taught as a skill?
This is a fascinating thought – that contentment, along with other life skills, could be on some kind of educational curriculum.
Contentment matters, along with skills like emotional intelligence and resilience. These are cornerstone skills for modern life, equipping us to deal with the day to day pressures of living in the fast paced and tech-fueled 21st century.
More recognition, options, time, freedom, stuff, money – we always seem to be wanting more of something.
It is good to want more in some areas of life -to be better at what you do, to live more in keeping with your values and to be growing in self awareness and self respect. But it is also essential to truly appreciate what you have.
What we focus on, grows.
Certainly, what we focus on and fill our minds with hugely influences our thoughts about ourselves, our lives, and others. There are twins laws at work here:
- the law of cognition – you are what you think
- the law of exposure – your mind thinks most about what it is exposed to
So it follows that when you think most about what you don’t have, that will influence how you live, your perspective on your life and how others perceive you. When we focus on the negative – what we don’t have and where we are not in life rather than what we do have and where we are in life – it becomes harder to spot the positive. We can become almost anaesthetised to the good around us, and the tapes in our head are stuck on ‘what if’.
This is definitely not the route to contentment.
The idea of scarcity links with this – scarcity captures the mind, whether we are short of time, money, food, hope. And that by focusing on what we don’t have, the way we think is remodeled at the cost of our creative imagination, our contentment and an ability to see the bigger picture.
Why contentment matters.
Being content with what we have, where we are in life, who we are – it doesn’t mean we stop seeking to be better, but it does mean we can stop and enjoy the moment. Recognise that we already have so much.
Holidays can be a great reset; a reminder of what really matters and how simple life can be. Often, holidays can mean the absence of much of the busyness that packs out our lives and can open up space to see afresh what contentment really means. Returning from holiday inevitably means that the normal stuff of life creeps back in, and much of it is necessary for life and work.
But we can choose to hold on to those precious moments of simplicity and clarity, seeing with fresh eyes the richness of what we have in the relationships around me.
We can choose to be content with less because it provides so much more of what is important.
Could this then be our first lesson in contentment – spend time thinking about what we do have, and what we are grateful for about our lives, and we will be more content people. I suggest this also will lead to greater resilience – withstanding difficulties and setbacks because we have a more stable and secure footing in who we are and the good in our lives. This is why contentment matters.
Skills for modern life.
What might this look like in practice? Like all skills, contentment needs to be learned and takes practice. We choose to notice what is good and what we are thankful for rather than only noticing what has gone wrong that day.
Taking time to be present and still, as I was musing last time and choosing to notice what is rather than rushing on to the next thing.
Noticing what kind of tired you are, and what kind of rest you need is useful here too. Understanding that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all rest solution but many different ways to rest helps take more targeted action. Giving ourselves time to rest well and be present to our amazing bodies, is enough.
Simplifying our stuff can bring greater clarity about what matters, and contented less-is-more approach.
One of the common regrets of people on their death bed is that they wished they had been happier in life. We can so easily get caught up in thinking about what we should be doing, or worrying about what is coming next.
But choosing to stop and see who we are in this moment, and intentionally pick out the blessings and good things in our life right now – no matter how small – is a skill for modern life. Getting to the end of your life and wishing you had lived happier and not taken life for granted is such a waste. This is why contentment matters today.
