OK, a little insider intel for you…I’ve always been someone who leads with my heart. Always.
As a matter of fact, my mother used to say (A LOT) that I wore my heart on my sleeve way too much. So, naturally, when I turned 50, I got a heart tattooed on my arm. (Since I was told it enough, I figured I might as well honor the message with some permanent inkage.)
But here’s the thing: It wasn’t just a message from my mother. I spent years being told by others that leading with emotions wasn’t smart. That I should be more logical. More analytical. That heart-based decisions were somehow… soft and irrational.
Then I learned something from neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett that completely validated what I’d always felt.
Turns out, we don’t think first and then feel. We feel first, and then our brain scrambles to make sense of what our body is already experiencing.
Barrett explains that our brain is essentially “trapped in a dark box,” constantly receiving signals from our body but having to guess what caused those signals. So, it does what it’s “trained to do” and scans for those past experiences that could offer a reference point.
Her research shows that our brains are constantly making predictions about what we’ll encounter next, based on our lifetime of those past experiences. So, when you meet someone and get that instant “something’s off” feeling? That’s not you being dramatic or emotional. That’s your body picking up on real information and then your brain making predictions faster than your conscious mind can process.
This research totally explains why ignoring those body signals always backfired for me. Since I’d been conditioned to think I was being “too emotional,” I started dismissing those feelings because it seemed like the smarter choice.
Like the time I kept dating someone who was emotionally unavailable. Every interaction left me feeling confused and “not good enough.” But then I’d see his name on my phone. Instead of saying, “this isn’t going to work,” I’d think, “here’s my chance to get him to see my worth and want to be more available for a relationship.”
And when he didn’t become any more emotionally available, I’d override my feelings with logic: “He’s just busy.” “He has a lot on his plate.” “Maybe I’m being too needy.” I spent months trying to think my way into something my heart knew from day one wasn’t going to work.
And it wasn’t just romantic relationships where I ignored my gut. There was also a work collaboration that felt off from the very beginning. Something in my gut was saying, “Nope, this is no bueno. Something isn’t right here, Pam…wake up.”
I didn’t want to tick this person off by passing on a collaboration that looked great on paper, so I ignored my gut.
Turns out the person only wanted to collaborate because they saw my content as a way to put money in their pocket. There was never any intent of it being a collaboration where we both did the work.
I did finally say “no, thank you”… but after we started. And that turned out to be way messier and uglier than if I’d just trusted that initial feeling.
Both of these situations taught me the same lesson: my body was giving me accurate information that my logical brain kept dismissing. And there’s actual science behind why that body wisdom is so reliable and worthy of being paid attention to.
Your Heart Has Its Own Brain
Here’s what the science shows us: your heart literally has its own neural network. It’s not just a pump… it’s got about 40,000 neurons that are constantly communicating with your brain. When we talk about “heart intelligence,” we’re not being poetic. We’re talking about a real, measurable system that processes information.
Leading with your heart isn’t soft or illogical. It’s strategic. You’re using valuable data that your body is constantly collecting: micro-expressions, tone changes, energy shifts, information your conscious brain hasn’t even processed yet.
Try This: The Body Check-In
Next time you need to make a decision, before you make your pros and cons list, try this:
-
Sit quietly for a moment and think about Option A
-
Notice what happens in your body. Does it feel expansive or contracted? Light or heavy?
-
Now think about Option B and notice the physical response
-
Pay attention to which option makes you feel more open, energized, or settled
Barrett’s research shows that our brains construct emotions based on body information, past experiences, and predictions about what’s coming next. That gut feeling about your decision? It’s your nervous system running a lightning-fast analysis based on thousands of tiny signals.
This doesn’t mean we throw logic out the window. But maybe we start by listening to what our body is telling us, then let our brain help us figure out the how.
The heart tattooed on my arm? It’s not just about wearing my emotions proudly. It’s a reminder that leading with heart intelligence is one of the smartest things we can do.
I’m curious: have you ever had a time when you ignored your gut feeling and later wished you hadn’t? What did your body know that your brain was trying to talk you out of? I’d love to hear about it.
